Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
