If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
