I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
