oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
