you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
