i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
