Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
