I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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