I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
