the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
