I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
