My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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