In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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