I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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