Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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