if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
