i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
