How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
