At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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