I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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