I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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