soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
