I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
