I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
