so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
