Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
