The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
