1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he puts the penis in happiness.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sobbing to NWA
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
