So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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