Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
