I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
