We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
