a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
