i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
