I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
