I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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