And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
