Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
