she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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