Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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