This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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