I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
