sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
