I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
