its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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