So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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