If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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