Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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