Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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