He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
